Hey, so I haven't blogged in a while, this is due to the fact that apart from sleeping, working, and doing theater with time to eat when I can, I've not done much else. There hasn't been a lot of time to sit and write down on paper the shit that runs through my head at an alarming pace every waking moment.
Right now I'm in two shows back to back , One is Sister Act and then once that's done 3 days later Blithe spirit opens.
Theater is something that I'm really new to, it hasn't been a lot of time since starting which was last year with Mary Poppins. Once you do it though it can be pretty addictive, well it has been in my case. I haven't always been cast in shows I've auditioned for and yes its disheartening for many, and yes for me too but usually I've found a good reason why it probably was a good job I didn't get the part.
Then there are the times that I haven't auditioned at all and asked to play a particular part, which actually is quite an awesome feeling.
Now I've heard comments like "its not nice to brag" Is it bragging to be proud of something you are doing? is it bragging to want to tell your friends about things you are doing?
Maybe it is and maybe I should listen to the anxiety beast and just be quiet and not share at all. Just keep my joy inside. Just go back to being afraid to speak for fear of criticism, thinking that no-one really wants to hear what I have to say. Do you know how those few words can have a tremendous impact on a person.
People who don't have anxiety cannot fully understand the overpowering feeling someone's words can have. The hours a person spends worrying about what someone said or didn't say, their facial expression.
Theater has become way for me to step away from the anxiety, when you become a different person in a different life for a role, its like reinventing yourself for a brief period of time. When I take on a role no matter how small, I have a whole background for that character it helps with playing a character when you become one with that person. You become that person, you feel how they feel, you live their experiences. I believe this is what they refer to as method acting.
When you find something that you can embrace like I have done with theater, that calms the beast, isn't that something worth bragging about? Im not saying it cures the anxiety because it doesn't. Prime example of this last nigh when we got on stage to practice a dance routine it didn't work on the stage like it did in the rehearsal room due to other things on the stage and the routine had to be altered somewhat. I could feel the ball in my stomach rising, rising as if to choke me, the pounding in my chest and my mind going at a speed about to completely freak out. That's how it is. Dealing with change is not an easy thing for me to do.
So when I find something that helps me cope, don't belittle it, because you don't realize that those words get remembered for a long time. I just wish it hadn't take me 40 years to find this passion that I have for bringing a role to life.